don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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