I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
