I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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