Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
