Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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