I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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