I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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