someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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