God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
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He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
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I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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