dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
