I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My breasts were aching with rage.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
