I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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