I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
