why didn't you poke me back
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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