you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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