i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
