Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
