Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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