Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
