Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
