My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
