My room smells like vodka and shame
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
