Kareoke will never be a sober sport
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
