butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Can i not drive my cunt home
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
