He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
