halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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