first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
