You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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