My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
