I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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