if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
