Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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