i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
