so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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