I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
