Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
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I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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