Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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