i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
