all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
