I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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