News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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