The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
