Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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