I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
