I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
