Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
