I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
