I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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