Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
