If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
