I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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