This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
