If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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