just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
