My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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