how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
