exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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