watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
