As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I forget how to act sober
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