Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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