Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
