I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize