i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
