at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
