Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
