well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
