if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
