Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
